Jun 15, 2012

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June Goals: Mid-Month Review

Hoooo boy.

Let me warn you in advance, this is going to be BAD. Like, really bad.

Ugh.

Original goals were posted here.

Let’s review…

  1. Cut out dairy, grains and processed food (aka NO SUGAR) during the week. I think with the weekends, it’ll be nearly impossible to be successful at all of these during the weekend, but should be relatively successful during the week. So, healthy is is. This also means sangria and food trucking will occur only on weekend days. hahahahahaha. This has SO NOT HAPPENED. Mind you, I didn’t expect us to be attempting to BUY A FREAKING HOUSE this month, either and it’s taken up a LOT of time. I think I’m going to scrap the no dairy thing. Non-fat Greek yogurt just seems to work the best when it comes to breakfast for me, but sugar needs to GO.
  2. EXERCISE.  I certainly did NOT meet my weekly exercise goals from a few weeks back, and then I did NOTHING for an entire WEEK. Not good. At all. I’m going to aim for 5-6 days per week, with exceptions to be made for weddings and travel – however, I can still successfully exercise WHILE traveling :) And, no. Nope. Nada. Not even my exercise plans I’ve thought of. Hasn’t freaking happened.
  3. Continue not spending. Having my MasterCard expire at the end of April and not receiving a replacement meant my spending went WAY down. I want to continue this. Now, I will be purchasing 3 months unlimited yoga for the summer ($83/month instead of $140!) and buying tickets for Stampede events, but no clothes or shoes are needed! I’m actually doing really well here. I purchased a new bag and sweater and new luggage (needed) but that’s it. No unnecessary clothing or shoes or anything.
  4. Post pictures on the blog at least once a week. I’m drawn to visual blogs that have pictures to tell the story, yet I totally fail here. I want to work towards making my blog cooler (ha!) so more pictures it is! And, nope, again. We’re heading to visit family this weekend AND have a NEW CAMERA so maybe pictures will be posted soon.
  5. ENJOY JUNE! So much of April and May were filled with stress and work and sickness that I really want to enjoy June. I want to have fun with The Cowboy and just really, enjoy it. Although I’m totally failing at my goals, I AM enjoying June. We’re working towards some awesome goals and work has been going quite well.
  6. Follow my weekly plan. With all the weekends away, life is bound to get ridiculously crazy if I don’t make a plan. I’m also running at 10km race on June 23 AND July 8, so I NEED to get my ARSE out there running and to the gym. Following the plan should help this. THE PLAN SHALL BE FOLLOWED. And, nope. Nada. It’s hard to follow goals when it’s RAINING ALL THE TIME and when we’re off meeting with realtors and planning a house. C’est la vie.

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Jun 15, 2012

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On being enough

Lately I’ve been struggling with the concept of me being enough.

I’ve always relied on others to make me feel whole, to be surrounded by friends who love me, to be someone people look up to and who is good at her job.

This leads to a lot (far too much) of comparing myself to others. Inevitably, I come up short every.single.time.

I’m too:

  • short
  • chubby
  • loud
  • expressive

Or, I’m not:

  • fit enough
  • smart enough
  • dedicated enough
  • funny enough
  • kind enough

And the lists go on and on and on.

They really don’t do me any good.

Part of the problem (although, it’s not really a problem, per se) of my job is a big group of us (30 or so) are all hired together, so we all track the same. Except, I’m no where near that track anymore.

I’m probably one of the oldest at my level (and yes, I do let this get to me. One manager is 4 years ahead of me and 2 years younger. Obviously, she had her shit together long before I did), and I let this bother me.

It really shouldn’t.

All those other people aren’t me. I’m me. And really, that’s all that matters.

Sure, I need to work on being a better me (like not interrupting, oh, what a terrible habit it is), but I think I’m way harder on me than anyone else is.

If I’m so willing to forgive others for interrupting, or drinking too much and being a bit too loud, or saying something unkind that wasn’t meant to be unkind, why do I have such trouble forgiving me for those things?

When it comes down to it, I have an awesome husband who loves me (heck, he even bought me a beautiful .22 yesterday and purple luggage, if that doesn’t say love, I don’t know what does), an awesome family and in-laws who are truly amazing, and a wonderful group of friends (even if they do occasionally drive my drunk ass home from a work party).

If I’m enough for them, why can’t I be enough for me?

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